time.

Tonight I am blogging from a totally new venue…the gym.

I am watching my oldest girl through a soundproof glass window participating in a tap dance class called Twinkle Toes.

And I think about how fast life goes.

Next month on the 25th of April she turns 5. Five.

Exactly how did that happen?

Almost five years ago, she looked like this…

faith

Now…she looks like this…

faith2

She’s fast becoming a strong-willing, independent, opinionated girl; no longer a toddler, but a kid who knows what she wants. We have our battles; we go head to head (she gets her independence & stubbornness from me 😉 ), but she has a kind heart. She loves people and life (and ponies 😉 ).

I still remember the best parenting advice I was ever given…”the days are long, but the years are short.”

I think that applies to every aspect of life.

In August she goes to kindergarten. Zoe is in preschool. No more babies 😦

In July I will marry an amazing, Godly man that I thank for the Lord for every day. God truly has made beauty out of our lives. Out of dust. We are living proof of that; neither of us deserving (none of us are really!) of God’s mercy and redeeming love; of how he has blessed us and is remaking our family into something neither of us ever dreamed possible.

grahamhillary

I can’t get over it & I pray I never do. Because time goes so fast, before we know it we blink & it’s over. I’ll blink & July will be here. I will marry this incredible man & become his wife. Then I’ll blink & Faith will be gone to kindergarten. Blink again and both girls will be graduating from high school. Blink again and Graham & I will be growing old together.

So I’m trying to not waste time on meaningless things. If I allowed myself, I could spend my life trudging through the quicksand of guilt. Feeling guilty for being a working mom. Guilt for not spending as much time working with Zoe at home on her therapy stuff. It’s all too easy for Satan to get ahold of my thoughts, and then I start thinking things like, ‘I’m totally messing up my kids because of the divorce,” and “if Zoe never walks, it will be my fault because I didn’t work with her enough,” or “what if I get hurt again?” I could get paralyzed in fear, in guilt, and in shame.

But that’s a waste of time, and it already goes so fast as it is. Why would I want to waste anymore?

Over the course of my nursing career, I have cared for my patients who are actively dying. And the one common theme I have noticed, is that no one wishes they could’ve made more money. Or been more involved in extracurricular activities. Or crammed more to-do things on their to-do list.

They wish for more time.

They wish they would’ve loved more. Given selflessly & sacrificially. Gave of themselves to the ones they loved the most.

But when you get to that point, it’s too late.

I have never wanted to have regrets in my life. And so far I do not. Everything I have went through has pushed me to become more than what I was before. And I wouldn’t change it.

So as my little family prepares to move into a new season of life, and things are good, I pray I remember that God is just as present in the good times as the bad times. And that I need him just as much now, as I did then…when things weren’t good. I pray I always find my identity in HIM. Not in my relationship with Graham. Not in my relationship with my kiddos. But in the relationship I was created for, with my Lord.

And I pray I never get so busy in the day-to-day tasks, and my too-full to-do list, that I let life slip by me without taking the time to enjoy it.

Because the days are long, but the years are oh so short.

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