So it’s been a long time since I have blogged. Probably most of ya’ll out there have long given up on my posts and think I have fallen off the face of the Earth.
I’ve been busy. Not the kind of busy where you feel exhausted and wonder when will things ever slow down. But a good busy. Life finally feels normal again. Whatever “normal” is. Home is good, work is good, girls are good, Graham & I are good.
I always like New Years’ Eve, but this year I was eager to send 2013 out. What a year. We won’t even rehash the details of that mix of ugly/bad/good of that year, it is over and done and we have all moved on with our lives. I decided I needed to celebrate the fact that God continues making all things new. I spent New Years’ Eve with my incredible small group of friends from church. I never cease to be amazed at all the people God has brought into my life this past year. My bible study group ranks very high on that list–it is a group that never fails to encourage me spiritually, and Wednesdays are a highlight of my week because of the studies and conversations i know we will have.
The girls spent New Years’ with Nana & Papaw. The early birds 😉
January was full of snow. Literally. It seems I spent the majority of the month wearing snow pants, Under Armour, gloves and hats to work because of the frigid temps. I drank lots of coffee and hot chocolate, ate tons of comfort foods, used up the majority of my propane tank due to running the fireplace constantly, and went skiing for the first time in over 10 years.
And although I am no good at it, I remembered I love to ski 🙂
Graham and I, along with our bible study group, took a trip to Winterplace in West Virginia for a weekend of bible study and skiing. It was a blast, and thankfully I returned without injuries, casts, splints or stitches. I didn’t brave the black diamond slopes, but I did decide I should hone my skiing skills (which necessitates going skiing more often than every 10 years 😉 ).
This new year has also been a good journey spiritually for me as well. One thing I will be forever thankful for learning during the course of the past year and “it” (i.e., the divorce) is that when everything completely falls apart, it’s sink or swim time. I had called myself a Christian since the age of 8, and yes, I have always claimed to love Christ and serve Him, but it was at that point in my life that just saying it was no longer enough.
I had to trust Him.
Learning to trust again has been huge for me. I have always considered myself an independent woman. Not in a feminist sort of way, but in a I-can-provide-for-myself-and-my-kids-and-do-this-all-on-my-own sort of way. Me & my girls. And Jesus. But how much do I really trust him? Do I really believe He can hold us together? What if it all falls apart again?
The more I ask these types of questions of Him, and the more I seek to not just come to Him when things are bad, but to really know Him, the more I realize what needs to happen. If I say He is my Lord, then he has to be first. Above everything. Only then will I know Him so well that I trust Him and His plan, and when I find myself scared and afraid He is there and will remind me of His love, and provision, and that He is continuing to remake me.
Since I spend so much time in my car for work, I play a lot of music on the radio. I’m a fan of K-Love and Air One, and one day this song came on the radio. And the words of this song hit me like a ton of bricks.
The words of that song are so powerful…
Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
I realized that I needed to remain in that place. That place of willingness to be broken, to be empty, to be lonely, whatever it took, in order to keep my relationship with my Lord as the number one priority. That is the relationship that has to be above all else. Above my girls. Above my relationship with Graham. Above my family. My job. Anything that starts with the word “my.”
That has been the focus of my spiritual journey so far this year. It is challenging, and exciting and lately I find myself craving more and more time spent on it.
That is my 2014 so far. It’s good. Great. Maybe even the best 🙂 And today is February, and spring is coming, and I ran almost six miles today and didn’t fall over dead. I’m excited for the future for so many things. My girls will both be in school this year (woah!!), Graham and I will celebrate a year spent together in June, Zoe is making such huge progress with her therapies, Faith is now fluently reading and beyond ready for kindergarten, perhaps I’ll finally sell that house in Morgantown (any takers? 😉 ), John & I are figuring out the co-parenting from separate homes thing pretty well, and overall we are all settled and I am so thankful.
Oh, and it was 60 degrees today 🙂 So there’s that.