not my plans

I am learning (slowly but surely) to be thankful God doesn’t ever  always answer my prayers the way I think He should. This past weekend I spent some time chaperoning a group of awesome youth kids from my church (so strange that I find myself back loving on youth kiddos again after I thought I was done with that, but whatever…they are awesome, amazing kids & I love it. So there’s that 😉 ). I remembered being in high school and how I thought I had my life planned out. 

I was pretty convinced that my plan was awesome. 

I had the typical teenage girl plan. Graduate, find my husband, have 2.5 kids, job security and a nice home where we’d raise our kids, live the sweet life and die (at the same time holding hands nonetheless!), and basically live nice cushy lives. American dream, huh?

I became a Christian age the mere age of 8. Little did I know, following Christ is not the American dream. Nor is it always nice and cushy.

I am re-reading an amazing book I read a long time ago, except it has way more significance to my life now. I ran across this quote the other day, and it is so true for my life. And probably most of yours’ too…

“We should not be surprised that a lifelong journey with God might bring us suffering and hardship. If the Cross teaches us anything, it teaches us that sometimes God comes through AFTER we’ve been killed!”

-Chasing Daylight–Erwin McManus

I am slowly learning this is true. I used to hate this idea. I questioned if God is so good, why would He want me to hurt? The more not-so-fun-in-my-opinion circumstances I go through, the more I realize that God isn’t subjecting me to bad circumstances. Nor does He sit up wherever it is He sits, conjuring up the next “bad” thing He can throw at me. 
That is not Him. Nor His nature. He is good, and the fact that He often does not answer my prayers the way I think He should often proves to be way more amazing than if He’d just given me what I wanted in the first place.
I prayed for God to heal my baby before she was born. I didn’t want to “deal” with spina bifida (honesty, folks!). I wanted a “healthy” child. God didn’t answer my prayer that way. He chose a different route.
I didn’t want my marriage to end. Divorce was something I knew would never happen to me. I was raised in church. My daddy became a pastor. Pastors’ kids don’t get divorced, right? Girls who grow up in church and wait for God to send the right person to them don’t get divorced. The ring on my finger wasn’t coming off. But God knew otherwise, and thankfully, He yet again went before me and paved the way to a future I never could have came up with on my own.
I wanted my old house to sell. I still remember the point when I knew I had to go ahead and move, even though it hadn’t sold. I know without a doubt it was God’s plan to go on and move us here. His plan was in place, His timing was perfect and we needed to be here. As much as I would still love to say God has sent me the perfect buyer, He hasn’t. I now own two homes. Which wouldn’t be so bad if they were PAID for 😉 But…like always, in His perfect timing He provides. My new renters move in the week after Thanksgiving 🙂 
Next week is Thanksgiving. If you’d asked me in the winter if I would be excited about the holidays, I probably would’ve just broke down crying. It is amazing how God can heal one’s heart and hurts. Truly amazing. I hope I never get over it actually. I have so many incredible things to be thankful for. I can’t deny that a big part of me will be excited to see 2013 go and ring in 2014 next month. But my goodness, what an amazing year this has been.
I am blogging about all of this because I don’t want to ever forget or take for granted what God has brought me (& my babies) through. How good He has been. I know there will be days when the mundane creeps in, life gets busy, traffic gets jammed, my road rage flares up (honesty again folks!), but I just don’t want to get over it.
He is good 😉

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