Lately I feel like I am stuck in GroundHog Day. Doing the same things over and over. Not getting anywhere.
Most days I can handle having a child with spina bifida. I can multi-task. I can work an insurance company to get what my child needs. I am, yes, that pushy parent who probably drives our providers nuts with my questions & requests. I can handle lugging a 16-month old, a 2.5 year old, and all our gear to a therapy appointment.
But lately, I want to get OUT of GroundHog Day. I want to see Zoe’s hard work pay off. And my hard work. And John’s hard work. We go through times where so much progress is made, and then we plateau off. For what seems like forever. And during those “forever” times, I start to wonder if we are aiming for impossible goals. That’s what I dislike about spina bifida. It’s all one big wait.and.see.
patiently waiting, but I am ready for some SEEING 😉
Last night I was just in one of those funks. The “Go away spina bifida” funk. Where I am tired of getting up every day, making my child push herself and work so hard while also trying to maintain some sense of balance in our family between “typical kid” things and “therapy things.” That fine line all the parents of special needs kids walk between being parent and therapist.
Honestly, it was a pity party for myself, but hey, I figured I deserved it for at least one night 😉
I decided even though I was mad at the Lord last night for putting what seemed like such a heavy load on us to bear, I would read anyway. And of course, the way it always happens, I read the perfect verse. One I was not even familiar with…
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habakkuk 3:17, 18 NIV)
“True desperation is always the most fertile ground for God’s graceto produce an abundant harvest of hope. And each time Godhas shown us His greatest glory, He has always revealedour greatest despair.”