My Pre-Zoe Thoughts…

In three days, I will meet my new daughter 🙂

My thoughts are all over the place as I think about this fact. When pregnant with Faith, I looked forward to that day with a nervous anticipation about all those typical ”first-time” mom concerns. Labor. Delivery. Nursing. How will I know what she needs? What do I do if she cries?

With Zoe, it’s a whole different ball-game. There are no prenatal classes that can prepare you for this. No textbook to give me advice. John & I have had five months of knowing Zoe has spina bifida to prepare. On one hand, I feel prepared. On the other,  I feel helpless. It’s hard to not worry about all the potential things that could go wrong.  Nearly impossible to avoid thinking five years down the road about who she will be, what she’ll be able to do, etc.

In our journey of preparation for Zoe, I’ve realized one day she’ll have questions. She’ll want to know about what it was like when I was pregnant with her. What John & I went through. Maybe she’ll even read my blog. She’ll question why she was chosen to be born with spina bifida.  She may even question why a seemingly good God would allow her to have this condition.

In my mind, I have a thousand and one things I’d like our girls to learn. About life. God. Faith. Pain. The journey we’re all on. But the truth is,  I don’t have it all figured out either (hence the title of the blog 🙂 ).  With Faith’s birth, it all happened so fast I never had time to think of what I’d want to say to her just before she was born.

With Zoe though, I’ve had plenty of time to think.

This particular song says exactly what I want our girls to know.  It is my prayer for both of my babies. I long to see my girls grow up (not too quickly!), and serve the Lord with all their hearts.

To tell others what He has done in their lives.

For Zoe to not allow spina bifida to be something that hinders her, but rather, something that enhances the work God has begun through her life.

On Thursday morning, we begin a new chapter in the Lovell family. And here is my prayer for all of us:


One thought on “My Pre-Zoe Thoughts…

  1. I started a new bible study last week and the very 1st daily homework spoke out to me. It reminded me of you, of me, of our special needs children. My 14 year old Jacob has a terrible disease, Neurofibromatosis Type II. I didn’t know before he was born, I can’t imagine how you are feeling, but I do know the pain of having to dream new dreams for your child and the pain of teaching the world about them, instead of teaching them about the world. The verse that I hope to remember in times of great pain and worry:”We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God, they said”. Acts 14:22
    I pray that your delivery is blessed and I pray for Zoe’s doctors and for her to have a miracle upon her during surgery. I know God will be with you all. I will be thinking of you and your family.

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