Today I went back to a place that used to not make me nervous. A place where I used to not feel I needed to pray for strength to handle the news I would receive there. A place where silence from an ultrasound tech wasn’t automatically interpreted in a negative manner.
The ultrasound room.
This morning John & I headed to Vanderbilt to the children’s hospital for our first visit. Unsure of what to expect, we prayed for strength to handle whatever the Lord chose to do in our life this day as we found out more about baby Zoe & how she was doing.
But even if….right?
The hospital was amazing. More like a children’s museum than a medical facility. I lay in a dark room while a tech (no poker face this time!) went over every bone, every organ, with a fine-toothed comb. She explained everything & we got to see Zoe kicking, rolling, sucking her thumb. Here she is with her hand in her mouth:
We were to see three doctors today-my new doctor, Zoe’s surgeon, & the neonatologist (doctor who will take care of her in the NICU nursery). Each time as we waited for one of them, I held my breath & prayed. Many of you know the following scripture has become very dear to John & I during this journey, and I found myself repeating it throughout the day:
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
But even if Zoe’s condition is worse than we anticipated.
But even if doctors are negative & pessimistic about her prognosis.
But even if this ultrasound looks worse than the last.
But even if…
Let me just say, it is very easy to repeat those three words to yourself, but very difficult to actually think you’ll still love God just as much, be just as obedient to Him, & serve Him just the same regardless of your child’s outcome. Or whatever situation you may be dealing with.
Thankfully today, we got good news. Zoe’s spinal lesion is very small & very low according to all our doctors. They expect she will walk & do well. We of course won’t know anything definitely until she arrives, but we were told today it seems we have a milder case & the doctors are very optimistic of her outcome.
Of course, I found myself excited & hopeful on our drive home. As John & I talked about the day together, I realized I have to be careful to not put my hope in doctors’ reports, opinions, or a prognosis. When I find myself doing so, the Lord very sweetly reminds me of this verse from Psalm 20:7:
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Today was a good day. I’d call it a great one even. Our baby girl is alive & well, and full of spunk it seems! And I can’t wait to meet her! Even today, God chose to place some amazing people on our path & I know it was He who has & will continue to go before us making provisions for our needs.
So today, for that I am thankful 🙂